Bonjour, and happy Wednesday! ;)
Everything has been so crazy lately, I feel like I don't have time to play kink, and it's really been getting to me. Every time I put off sex I do something stupid, like hit on someone I shouldn't or go chat in IRC and don't tell Sir about it. It's never a good thing. The exact same goes for submission. Even aside from sex, if I ignore serving anyone but myself for a long time...I do silly things. It gets pent up.
Part of me assumes that no initiative should be taken by me, and that everything should fall to Sir. That isn't very fair, though, is it? If I want to serve, it could, and perhaps should, be my responsibility to kick things off. Does Sir really HAVE to tell me to take my socks off and offer my feet for tickling, or should I recognize that he would love it and do it of my own volition? Is it a slave's duty to only submit, or to truly serve.
I'm thinkin' the latter. I've got to pick up the pace! Not all of life is moving boxes and studying papers. Some of it can be exciting.
I'm pretty psyched at the moment about a couple of things, actually. Both things are ladies. One is an old kitten who I've topped before and will be acquiring in the future, and the other is a new kitten I have a date with next week. The first has a bit of a story behind her that I'll go into another time, and the latter is someone I've known for a while but never spoken with. Both are occupying all of my mind! Half of it is excitement, because there is a whole WORLD of opportunity before me. All that toppiness that comes out around Sir and really shouldn't - I'll finally have a place to really let it all go. Deep down this switch is as much a Maitresse as she is a slave. On the other hand - I truly HATE expectations.
No human is without them, and they can cause some pretty big issues. When I'm the Domme in the situation, I absolutely HATE having things expected of me. Expected! Not hoped for, not yearned for, not wanted - expected. It really got to me in my last Domme-sub experience, and we wound up playing so much less than we should have. she expected that I give her x amount of sex, y amount of chores, and z amount of praise. she expected that I read her mind, she expected that I do everything for her. That, to me, is some serious role reversal. It must be the defiant third grader in me or something that just screams "you're not the boss of me!" and just does NOT want to do it anymore.
Maybe it's based in anxiety? Maybe I'm terrified that I won't live up to expectations, won't be perfect, won't satisfy, and that just takes over my Top side and beats her up. So much of what Dominants do to/for their slaves is for the slave, and there really needs to be a mutual benefit. I am sincerely concerned that this will be a repeat, in either, and I won't live up to past tops, past girlfriends, past whatever, that I'll disappoint. How can one earn respect from a slave with expectations? Maybe I'm just new at this, but I don't want to hard-head Dominate right through it and wind up ruining something that required a gentler touch.
I guess, truthfully what's been buggin me, what's underneath all of my sheer excitement, is the question:
who is it for?
I feel no shame in asking it, having seen it debated heatedly on so many discussion boards of the bdsm form. I have no desire to put on a mask and be a Domme that I'm not. I am a very unique sort of personality, and I can't pretend I don't care. I won't be pushed around by a sub, though.
We'll see how it pans out.
Nothing is being rushed like last time, thankfully. Just plans for the first kitten and a single, test-the-waters innocent date with the second. At least this time I'm ready!
On another, quite random topic - a friend asked me today for advice on lubes. I had sort of expected those in the kinky world would have a grasp on this oh-so-necessary toybox feature, but here's a summary in case it helps someone out:
- Water based lubes are easier to wash off than silicone, and can be used with just about any dildo.
- Silicone lubes can make for longer-lasting, smoother sailing ass play, but CANNOT be used with silicone dildos. Silicone on silicone melts. It's a good idea to keep silicone toys separate for the same reason - they will form one giant, messy, unusable super-toy. :\
- Flavored and heating lubes really are more for the chick, imo, but really do make for fun vajayjay time. I've never tried them in the ass, but if you need your butt warmed, all I can say is "follow the instructions on the label."
- For sensitive lady parts and those prone to infection, there ARE some excellent and fun pH-balanced lubricants available to experiment with.
When in doubt, go to a sex shop and ask for samples. They're not shy! At the very least you can buy cheap little tester packets and try them out. If it burns - wash it off and try something else. Some women have allergies to certain lube ingredients that just doesn't come up until you try it.
That's it for me today. I'll letcha know how things will have panned out so far with the two kittens next week!
-Maitresse Kitty
<3
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